In light on my due date passing yesterday, I have decided to share a letter I wrote to Viv a few days ago. The end of pregnancy can be so hard and trying, but it is also so special. Before you know it the baby is here, and turning 7 years old (like my oldest waaa!) so I am savoring these moments, and sneaking in some extra cuddles with my girls.
Your tiny squishy face is breathing in my ear. You just fell asleep twirling my hair with your chubby little fingers. You are so full of life. Joy. Excitement. You haven’t the slightest idea you will be a big sister soon, or the attention Mommy gives you now will be divided even more. Right now you’re my baby. And I’m your mommy. You don’t really like to share me, with your big sisters or even your daddy, but you will have to learn to share soon little one… Like super soon. Your new baby sister will be here any day now, no matter how much you deny it and say “no baby!” while blowing raspberries at me when I tell you, she is indeed coming. My ever expanding belly that has been pushing you off of my lap and out of your favorite little spoon snuggle spot, yep, that’s her. Charlotte. She may push you out of my lap but let me tell you sweet girl, she will never push you out of my heart. You will always be my baby.
Mommy is uncomfortable, and tired. And although almost everything in me wants your baby sister out, there is you, and that makes me feel ok with her staying in. We won’t get these moments back. When she is born, you will change. You will become a big sister! And though it is exciting, Mommy always gets a little sad when milestones are met and change happens, because, well, that means you’re growing up, and I just want to freeze time and keep you forever. Your tiny curls. Your cute little toes. Your squishy lips and cheeks. Your own little language. All that is so sweet, and fades so fast as you turn from baby, to toddler, to little girl. I know it’s coming, I’ve watched your big sisters before you go through it too, and it also equally broke my heart and made me swell with joy.
So let’s snuggle Vivienne. I’ll keep smelling your hair, and kissing your cheeks. And holding on to you as tight as I can before the next phase of our life comes. Right now, you’re the baby. That’s all you know. And that’s all I know too.